I Was Never More Alive Than When

But What Could I Do? Be Stupid For A While? I Wasn't Sure I Knew How, Even After So Many Years Of Careful Observation.

I Am Unlovable...i Have Tried To Involve Myself In Other People, In Relationships, And Even - In My Sillier Moments - In Love. But It Doesn't Work. Something In Me Is Broken Or Missing And Sooner Or Later The Other Person Catches Me Acting Or One Of Those Nights Comes Along.

I Thought About The Nice Clothes That I Always Wore. Well Of Course I Did. I Took Pride In Being The Best Dressed Monster In Dade County.

Me, Feeling. What A Concept.

In That Tremendous Flash Of Freedom, On My Way To Do The Thing For The First Time, Sanctioned By Almighty Harry, I Receded, Faded Back Into The Scenery Of My Own Dark Self, Whole The Other Me Crouched And Growled. I Would Do It At Last, Do What I Had Been Created To Do. And I Did.