I Was Married Once Before, And I

I've Had This Look For About A Year. I Usually Grow This Beard Out Around Christmas. I Like To Go To Malls Dressed As Jesus, And I Like To Then Walk Around The Mall And Go, 'no! No! This Wasn't What It Was Supposed To Be About, People!' Then If There's A Santa At The Mall, I Walk Up To Him And Say, 'listen, Fat Man, You're Just A Clown At My Birthday Party.'

I Think Most Other Comics Are Like, 'i'm Going To Do My Fkin' Act And That'll Be That.' With Me, It's Like, 'what If I Forget My Jokes? What If I Can't Pull It Together? This Is Going To Be A Fking Disaster!'

I Sort Of Get Tired Of Myself Sometimes. When You're Busy, Your Life Becomes Relatively Small. But I Don't Really Get Tired Of Talking To Other People.

I Don't Seek Controversy. I Don't Seek To Antagonize. Sometimes It Happens, But I'm Not There To Argue Politics.

I Seem To Offend Everybody. I Just Never Got Into The Universe. I Don't Seem To Have A Tremendous Amount Of Discipline Or Patience With Having To Follow A Story That Is Really Multi-leveled And Science-fiction.