I Was Going Out For Absolutely Everything

It Started Off For Me As Just Wanting To Be An Actor And Sort Of Resenting In A Weird Way Being Expected To Write As Well As Be A Comedian And An Improviser. And Then You Think About It For A Minute, And I Smartened Up And Realized That The Only Way To Sustain A Career Is To Generate Your Own Material. Or To Be In Control Of Your Career As Best You Can. And In Allowing Yourself To Do That It Opens Up A Whole New World Of Possibilities. And Then You're Like "oh, Producing Is A Thing."

I Peed In My Wife's Boot Once. On Honeymoon, In Madrid, We Were Drinking Absinthe And Somehow Made It Back To Our Hotel. I Don't Remember A Second Of This, But My Wife Woke Up To This Noise. Two Of Her Boots Were In The Corner, One Had Fallen Down And The Other Was Standing Up And I Was Peeing Into It! It Was A Hole, And It Looked Like A Toilet. She Said: "rob, Wake Up, You're Peeing Into My Shoe!"

I Remember Saying In College That I Would Never Do Commercials.

I Always Fancied Myself More Of An Actor Than A Comedian Before I Realized That Only Assholes Make That Kind Of Distinction.

If It's January, I'm Dead In Three Hours. But In June, I'd Be Hungry, But I'd Make It Out. I'd Find My Way Without A Map Or Compass. I Say That With Confidence. I Can Build A Fire Without A Match.