I Wanted To Be An Archaeologist. But

The Nursery Rhyme Ends When A Spider Comes Along And Frightens Miss Muffet Straight Off Her Tuffet. I Have Wondered About What Kind Of Lesson This Is For A Young Girl. If You're Eating Your Curds And Whey And A Spider Comes Along, I Don't Think There's Anything Wrong With Picking Up A Newspaper, Smashing It, And Going Back To Your Breakfast.

I Was Diagnosed With A Severe Temporal Spatial Deficit, A Learning Disability That Means I Have Zero Spatial Relations Skills. It Was Official: I Was A Genius Trapped In An Idiot's Body.

I Have A Disproportionate Amount Of Faith In The Goodness Of The World And That Everything Will Actually Work Out Okay.

For The Average Person, Taken To Their Sick Bed, It Takes A Serious Bout Of Pneumonia Or A Full Body Cast To Completely Forget The Life They Had Prior To Falling Off The Rollercoaster. I, However, Will Do This Over A Paper Cut On My Thumb, Obsessing Of Said Cut And Being Generally Consumed By It.

Kids Across The Country Have Grown Up Accepting The Idea That No One Can Harm Your Family If At Least One Of Its Adult Members Is In The Shower. No One Knows Why.