I Want To Be Buried With A

My Husband Says My Toes Are Like Wall's Cocktail Sausages. He Feels Peckish Whenever He Sees Them.

In The Past, I've Thrown Myself Into Work So Much There's Been Very Little Room For Anything Else.

When I Go To One Of Those Singles Dating Parties I Believe Myself To Be A Bowl Of Fruit. When I Talk To Potential Dates, I Judge Them By The Smile In Their Lips, Their Smoothness Of Speech, And The Whiteness Of Teeth; Then I Offer Them The Appropriate Fruit, Which Is Usually A Lemon.

I Didn't Go Nightclubbing Much As A Teenager In Bournemouth Because My Friends And I Didn't Have The Money - But We Spent A Lot Of Time On The Beach, Having Barbecues, And Running Into The Sea In The Middle Of The Night.

People Have Been Able To See That As Cheeky And As Flirty As I Am, I Am Not The Dreadful Slapper That The Press Used To Portray Me As. But It Will Probably All Turn Around And People Will Hate Me Again In A Couple Of Years.