I Used To Google My Name To

Since The Beginning Of Time, Every Child On The Planet Has Endeavored To Please Their Parents.

Literally, If Someone Says I Am Grounded, Everyday I Am At Home, I Actually Have My Hands In The Ground And Dirt Under My Fingernails. I Don't Have A Staff To Do It All For Me. I Still Plant A Seed And I'm Amazed It Grows.

My Mother Missed Having Dinner With Lyndon Johnson Because She Couldn't Find The Right Hat To Wear. While My Father Went Off To The White House To Break Bread With The President, My Mother, Who's Not A Things And Stuff Person, Stayed At The Hotel And Tried On 10 Different Hats And Missed Dinner.

Writing Is A Lonely Job, Unless You're A Drinker, In Which Case You Always Have A Friend Within Reach.

People Come Up To Me On The Street And Say, 'men At Work Is The Funniest Movie I Ever Saw In My Life'. But, You Know, I Do Have To Question How Many Movies These People Have Seen.