I Used To Do Drugs. I Still

My Girlfriend Is Named Lynn. She Spells Her Name "lynn". My Old Girlfriend's Name Is Lyn, Too, But She Spells It "lyn". Every Now And Then I Screw Up, I Call My New Girlfriend By My Old Girlfriend's Name, And She Can Tell Because I Don't Say "n" As Long.

I Want To Get Non-aerosol Mace, You Just Rub It In. "dude Who Is Attacking Me - Come A Little Closer!"

Alcoholism Is The Only Disease That You Can Get Yelled At For Having.

A Severed Foot Is The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer.

I Don't Wear A Watch Because I Want My Arms To Weigh The Same.