I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.

I Was The Kid Next Door's Imaginary Friend.

Santa Fe Is Fun To Visit, But Property There Will Cost You An Arm And A Dillo.

I Was Sick Of People Making Fun Of My Hair And So I Cut It Off And I've Got Much More Attention Than Ever Before. It Was Like When Mona Lisa Was Stolen From The Louvre In 1906 - Three Times More People Came To See Where It Used To Be.

My Grandmother's Brain Was Dead, But Her Heart Was Still Beating. It Was The First Time We Ever Had A Democrat In The Family.