I Use A Smoke Alarm As A

Having My Daughter, I Screamed For Twenty-three Hours Straight. And That Was Just During Conception.

In Life The Only Thing That You Can Expect Is The Unexpected; The Only Surprise Is A Day That Has None.

I'm Going Out With These Old Guys. One Guy Gave Me A Hickey And Left His Teeth In My Neck. Another Man, We Were Having A Perfectly Lovely Dinner; He Looked Up And Me And Went: You're Not My Wife! Another Guy Died During Dinner. I Had To Go In His Pocket To Get The American Express Card. Then You Wonder: What Would He Tip? Another Guy Said: I Want You To Meet My Family, And Took Me To The Cemetery.

I Think It's Time They Knew The Truth About Beethoven.

I Don't Mind Aging, I Just Don't Want To Be A Day Older.