I Think We're Given Multiple Chances To

Sometimes Between Lunch And Dinner, When There's A Lull, Jill And Shaniqua And I Will Sit Around And Fantasize About What We'd Do If A Real Celebrity Walked Into The Place, Like Chad Michael Murray (although We've Gone Off Him A Bit Since His Divorce) Or Jared Padalecki, Or Even Prince William (you Never Know. He Could Have Gotten His Yacht Lost, Or Whatever.)

I Stood On Susan Boone's Front Porch, Feeling Lame. But Then, Since I've Pretty Much Felt Lame My Entire Life, This Was No Big Surprise. On The Other Hand, Usually I Felt Lame For No Particular Reason. This Time I Really Had A Reason To Feel Lame.

Yeah,” Nicole Said, Her Straw Noisily Hitting The Bottom Of Her Gut Buster. “well, I Would Have Appreciated It If You Guys Had Wrecked A Little Less Stuff. Because My House Smelled Like Smoke For Months. And Construction On The Tarantinos’ New Garage Starts At Eight On The Dot Every Morning, And It’s Still Going On, And You Know How I Get If I Don’t Have My Full Ten Hours Of Beauty Sleep.” “so That’s What Happened To Your Face,” Cody Said. “i Was Wondering.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself.

But Once I'd Come Up With It, I Realized It Really Was The Perfect Plan. Instead Of Waiting For Maria To Come To Me, I Was Simply Going To Go To Her And, Well... Send Her Back To Where She Came. Or Reduce Her To A Mound Of Quivering Gelatinous Goo. Whichever Came First.