I Think A Lot Of People Have

I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon, But I Had A Bad Habit Of Dropping Things.

A Lot Of People Who Claim They're Political Comedians Are Just Comedians Who Have Opinions. But They Stop Being Funny The Minute They Give Their Opinions.

I Was The Class Podiatrist. I Never Made It To Class Clown. I Wasn't Funny Enough. I Would Examine Feet And Prescribe And Ointment. It Was A Sad Childhood.

Reality Tv Has Totally Destroyed Soap Operas. They're Gone. They Used To Be The Biggest Thing In The World - They're Gone.

With Me, Traveling For Work Is Arriving At The Airport, Checking Into The Hotel, Leaving The Hotel The Next Morning At 4 Or 5 To Do Something Like 'the Jimmy And Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' Doing A Bunch Of Those In A Row, Then Going Back To The Hotel, And Then Finally Going To The Club.