I Spent A Lot Of Time Waiting

I Like To Try To Do A Little Work Before I Do Anything In The Morning, Even If It's A Paragraph.

We All Deserve To Be Congratulated, But Sadly That Would Mean There's No One Left To Do The Congratulating.

Sometimes In New York, You're Walking Down The Street And You Realize There's A Girl Walking In Front Of You Whose Thighs You Could Hit A Golf Ball Through, And Maybe That Makes You Depressed.

Yes. I Am Writing Full-time. Which Is Strange. It Feels Like Not Having A Job.

You Feel Like Telling Him You're Not Single In The Way That He Thinks You're Single. After All, You Have Yourself. I Think A Lot Of Humor Is About Distracting Yourself. Pretend You're Not Trying To Make It Funny. Because For Some Reason The Effort To Be Funny Smells Like Sulphur In Our Culture.