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I Would Gladly Have Accepted A Heaping Spoonful Of Nepotism When I Got Out Of College And Was Looking For A Job.

You Just Don't Notice The Time Of Your Own Metamorphosis. Until You Do. Every Once In A While Time Dissolves And You Remember What You Liked As A Kid. You Jump On Your Hotel Bed, Order Dessert First, Decide To Put Every Piece Of Jewelry You Own On Your Body And Leave The House. Why? Because You Can. Because You're The Boss. Because... Ooooh. Shiny.

He Also Tried To Block The Doorway When She Left Him. My Mother Ducked Under His Arm, Ran To Her Car, And Drove Away. I Remember Thinking That This Was Somehow Romantic, As It Pinpointed The Actual Memory Of My Mother's Departure, Something You Don't See A Lot Of In Television. Real People Don't Slam Doors Without Opening Them Five Minutes Later Because It's Raining And They Forgot Their Umbrella. They Don't Stop Dead In Their Tracks Because They Realize They're In Love With Their Best Friend.they Don't Say, "i'm Leaving You, Jack," And Fade To A Paper Towel Commercial.

I Was Taught That Candles Are Like House Cats - Domesticated Versions Of Something Wild And Dangerous. There's No Way To Know How Much Of That Killer Instinct Lurks In The Darkness. I Used To Think The House-burning Paranoia Was The Result Of Some Upper-middle-class Fear Regarding The Potential Destruction Of A Half-million-dollar Westchester House The Size Of A Matchbox. But Then I Realized The Fear Stemmed From Something Far Less Complex: We're Not Used To Fire. Candles Are A Staple Of The Judaic Existence And, Like Many Suburban Residents Before Us, We're Pretty Bad Jews.

The World I Describe Is About How People Live Now. It's Not About Zany People With Unlimited, Inexplicable Funds In An Apartment Somewhere.