I See My Large Nose, Like Half

Listening To Chris Moyles On Radio 1 Is The Most Miserable Thing Any Human Being Can Do, But Attending Awards Ceremonies Isn't Far Behind.

My Sister-in-law Believes That Few Narratives Are So Tightly Constructed That You Can't Skip Boring Bits And Still Keep Abreast Of What's Going On.

After You've Read A Novel, You Only Retain A Vague Memory Of Its Contents. You Remember The Atmosphere, The Odd Image Or Phrase Or Vivid Cameo.

It's Worth Turning Up To An Awards Gig If You Know You've Won One But, Since You Never Do Know, It's Not Worth It.

The Best Way To Prepare For A Night Out With A Shakespearean Tragedy Is To Do A Bit Of Reading Up In The Afternoon, Eat A Light Supper - Perhaps Welsh Rarebit - And Then Arrive Early To Do Some Stretching Exercises In The Foyer Before Curtain-up.