I Remember When I Used To Be

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.

I Think That When You Get Dressed In The Morning, Sometimes You're Really Making A Decision About Your Behavior For The Day. Like If You Put On Flipflops, You're Saying: 'hope I Don't Get Chased Today.' 'be Nice To People In Sneakers.'

I Have A Time Machine At Home. It Only Goes Forward At Regular Speed

There Are Two Kinds Of Jackets - Reversible, And Reversible But It's Hard To Zipper Up And It Looks Really Stupid.

Like A Lot Of People, I’ve Always Enjoyed Commenting On Strangers’ Outfits. Unlike A Lot Of People, I Now Had A New Megaphone To Do It With. And, Let Me Tell You, Commenting On People’s Hilarious Clothing Choices Through A Megaphone Makes It So Much Better.