I Read Recipes The Same Way I

Men Who Consistently Leave The Toilet Seat Up Secretly Want Women To Get Up To Go The Bathroom In The Middle Of The Night And Fall In.

There Is A Woman Who Swam Around Manhattan, And I Asked Her, Why? She Said, It Hadn't Ever Been Done Before. Well, She Didn't Have To Do That. If She Wanted To Something No One Had Ever Done Before, All She Had To Do Was Vacuum My Apartment.

After You've Dated Someone It Should Be Legal To Stamp Them With What's Wrong With Them So The Next Person Doesn't Have To Start From Scratch.

The Time You Spend Grieving Over A Man Should Never Exceed The Amount Of Time You Actually Spent With Him

I Have A Hold Limit That I've Set For Myself. I Hold Until I Start To Imagine Myself Killing The Person On The Other End. Then I Hang Up And Regroup.