I Often Try To Tell Kids To

As I Have Discovered By Examining My Past, I Started Out As A Child. Coincidentally, So Did My Brother. My Mother Did Not Put All Her Eggs In One Basket, So To Speak: She Gave Me A Younger Brother Named Russell, Who Taught Me What Was Meant By 'survival Of The Fittest.'

I'm Not Going Out And Hitting A 95-mph Fastball Where I Can't See The Stitches. I'm Not On A Professional Football Team Looking To Tackle A Fullback Who Is Built Like Solid Wood. I'm A Thinking Person, And I've Been Blessed With The Ability To See Some Things And Talk About Them In A Way That Registers In A Humorous And Funny Way.

Women Don't Want To Hear What You Think. Women Want To Hear What They Think - In A Deeper Voice.

I'm Not Sure If My Parents Had Me Because They Loved Me, Or Because They Wanted Someone To Watch Their Other Children.

I Brought You In This World, And I Can Take You Out!