Always End The Name Of Your Child

Don't Let Your Victories Go To Your Head, Or Your Failures Go To Your Heart.

When The Child Is Twelve, Your Wife Buys Her A Splendidly Silly Article Of Clothing Called A Training Bra. To Train What? I Never Had A Training Jock. And Believe Me, When I Played Football, I Could Have Used A Training Jock More Than Any Twelve-year-old Needs A Training Bra.

My Father Would Pass Gas And Then Blame It On Imaginary Animals.

You Go And You Buy A Lottery Ticket. You've Got Just As Much Chance Of Getting Struck By Lightning As You Do Of Winning The Lottery.

College Was A Wonderful Time - Except, Of Course, When It Was Trying To Teach You Things.