I Never Sing In The Shower. It's

When I Was A Kid, You Would Tune In To "the Tonight Show" Before You Went To Sleep. Johnny Carson. A Big Treat. I Know It's A Privilege Of Mine To Be Able To Be In People's Homes. So I Hope I Make Everyone Proud, Including My Parents, And Do A Good Job In This.

Thank You... Fat Dude With Giant Headphones On The Subway, For Looking Like What Would've Happened If Jabba The Hutt Mated With Princess Leia.

At A Recent Education Summit, President Obama Admitted That He Can't Rap. When They Heard, Americans Said, 'good!'

It Would've Been Amazing [to Work As Programmer]. You're Good At Numbers, You're Good With People, You Like To Wear Shorts In The Summertime.

A Girl In New York Whose Parents Were On Wife Swap Is Suing The Show For 100-million Dollars For Making Her Look Like A Spoiled Brat. Note To Girl: Guess What Else Makes You Look Like A Spoiled Brat? Being 15 And Suing For A Hundred Million Dollars.