I Never Drink Water. I'm Afraid It

I Never Drink Water Because Of The Disgusting Things That Fish Do In It.

The Income Tax Was Devised To Give Lawyers And Certified Public Accountants Business. Few Persons Can Make Head, Tail, Or Middle Out Of It. Einstein Admitted He Couldn't.

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

If I Ever Found A Church That Didn't Believe In Knocking All The Other Churches, I Might Consider Joining It.

Sex Isn't Necessary. You Don't Die Without It, But You Can Die Having It.