I Masturbate! I Do It Like I

Sometimes. I Get Recognized, But I'm Not Really A Famous Famous. I'm Pretty Low On The Showbiz Totem Pole - I Mean, I'm No Jon Or Kate Plus Eight. I'm Just A Comic, Not A Baby Factory.

You Gotta Make Your Own Fun. That's Right, Listen To That Mother Of Two, She Knows What I'm Talking About.

Yeah, I Know, Some People Are Against Drunk Driving, And I Call Those People 'the Cops.' But You Know, Sometimes, You've Just Got No Choice; Those Kids Gotta Get To School!

I'm Not Really A Music Guy.

My Day Jobs... I Knew I Was Bad At Those, So I Didn't Really Have The Confidence To Think That I Could Do Comedy. But I Knew I Hated The Day Jobs.