I Masturbate! I Do It Like I

I Keep Getting These People At My Shows Who Only Know Me From Television. I Can Always Tell When They're, Like, Emotionally Flinching When I Start Doing My Jokes.

So I Took Her Back To My Place And We Did It Doggy Style, Not Because We Planned It That Way, But That's Just How She Passed Out.

Have You Seen That Magazine Barely Legal? That Means When You Look At It, You're Almost A Pedophile.

Being On The Road Is Kind Of Lonely.

For Me, Molly Hatchet Is High School. It Makes Me Feel Like I Have Hair And A Future.