I Masturbate! I Do It Like I

Things Have Been Invented Because Of Alcohol. Like The Taser, Okay? Yeah! The Morning After Pill, Okay? The Reach-around. Judge Judy. What Has Pot Given The World? Hackey Sack? Yeah! Hilarious Ring Tones? Oh Gah! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It Sucks To Be A Champion At A Sport That Can't Get You Laid. It's An Unneeded Skill Like, I Dunno, Being The Best Banjo Player. Or A Squirter.

I've Never Had A Surprise Birthday Party. I've Had Every Other Type Of Surprise. I've Had Surprise Beatings, Surprise Drug Tests, Surprise Daughter I Think.

Women Have All The Power Because Women Have All The Vaginas.

I Wanna Get A Little Drunk, But I Also Want Some Pancakes.

My Gym Has Two-pound Weights. If You're Using Two-pound Weights, How Did You Even Open The Door To The Gym? What's Your Dream? To Pump Up And Open Your Mail?