I Masturbate! I Do It Like I

I'm Not The Comic Of The Generation, I'm Not Even The Funniest Guy In My Family.

I Hang Out With My Dad Mostly, My Dad Was In The Military. He's At That Age Now Where His War Stories And Other Stories Have Blended Together, So Now You Don't Know What He's Talking About. One Time, We Were Surrounded, Then We Ran Out Of Ammo, Then We Were Fighting Hand-to-hand, Then We Started Dancing, And That's How I Met Your Mother.

A Joke Is A Joke, And People Put Too Much Meaning Behind It. They React To It In The Wrong Way. I Mean, You Can Boo Or Laugh, And That's Pretty Much What You're Supposed To Do With Jokes. You're Not Supposed To Take It Any Further Than That.

Have You Seen That Magazine Barely Legal? That Means When You Look At It, You're Almost A Pedophile.

I Tell You One Thing That's Great About Children. They Don't Need A Show To Have Fun. What Do They Need? A Book Of Matches, Some Oily Rags, A Little Brother... That's All They Need.