I Love Writing Songs. I'm A Songwriter.

If Ivan The Terrible Had Been Kissed And Loved Between Zero And Three, He Probably Would Have Become Ivan Not So Terrible. If You're Jewish, You Have A Small Smile On Your Face. Because You Know The Rest Are Wrong And You Don't Want To Hurt Their Feelings.

Life Literally Abounds In Comedy If You Just Look Around You.

You Want Me To Admit I'm A Four-foot, Six-inch Freckle-faced Person Of Jewish Extraction? I Admit It. All But The Extraction. But Being Short Never Bothered Me For Three Seconds. The Rest Of The Time I Wanted To Commit Suicide.

I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out People Like Roosevelt And Tolstoy Weren't Jewish. How Could I Love Them So Much?

Every Human Being Has Hundreds Of Separate People Living Under His Skin. The Talent Of A Writer Is His Ability To Give Them Their Separate Names, Identities, Personalities And Have Them Relate To Other Characters Living With Him.