I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are

I Met The Girl Who Works At The Doubletree Front Desk, She Gave Me Her Number. It's Zero. I Tried To Call From Here, Some Other Woman Answered. "you Sound Older!"

If Carrots Got You Drunk, Rabbits Would Be Messed-up.

I Wanted To Buy A Candle Holder, But The Store Didn't Have One. So I Got A Cake.

We're Gonna Have To Sweeten Some Of These Jokes For The Cd. You Know What Sweeten Means, Right? Sweeten Is A Show-biz Term For "add Sugar To".

I Wrote A Letter To My Dad - I Wrote, "i Really Enjoy Being Here," But I Accidentally Wrote Rarely Instead Of Really. But I Still Wanted To Use It, So I Wrote, "i Rarely Drive Steamboats, Dad - There's A Lot Of Stuff You Don't Know About Me. Quit Trying To Act Like I'm A Steamboat Operator." This Letter Took A Harsh Turn Right Away.