I Like To Work On New Year's

I'm Really More Prolific Than Most Stand-ups. My Act Changes. I Do Fold In New Experiences, New Observations, Whatever You Want To Call It.

I Can Make Things, But I Don't Cook Them, Exactly. Like Salmon, I Can Stick That In A Pan. Or The Other Day I Made Noodles, But They Were Hard. It Never Occurred To Me To Check Them; I Just Stopped Cooking Them When I Felt They Were Ready. Really, I'm Too Absentminded.

My Problem, I Try To Teach My Kids To Eat Healthy Food. But You Get A Cantaloupe, And You Don't Know When It's Going To Come Of Age. You Have No Idea - That Period Between When It's Like, Hard As A Rock To When It's Smushy Inside, Is About Ten Minutes.

I Love Key Lime Pie, Although It's Never Made The Proper Way.

I Think We Need A 12-step Group For Non-stop Talkers. We're Going To Call It On And On Anon.