I Like To Think Of Bread As

“really, There Are Two Types Of People Who Go Bowling. There Are People Who Really, Really Love Bowling. Then There Are The People That Are Like: Wouldn’t It Be Hysterical If We Went Bowling?”

I Do Kind Of Aspire To Do Comedy That Appeals To A Wide Range Of Audiences And Doesn't Divide People. I Never Want To Do Material That Makes People Laugh At The Expense Of Making Other People Feel Bad - Not To Say I'm Not Guilty Of That At Times. ... I Try And Make Humor Out Of The Really Important Issues Of The Day, Like Hot Pockets And Elevators And Not Wanting To Get Out Of Bed.

Wouldn't It Have Been Weird To Go To High School With The Pope? You Know, Somebody Did, Someone's Sitting At Home, Watching Tv In Poland, They See The Pope, They Think, "that Guy Was A Jerk! He Was So Mean To Me And Now He's Pope? I Got A Swirly From The Pope!"

I Live In New York City, But It Doesn't Matter If You're In Any Large, Metropolitan Area, There's Kind Of A Little Bit Of Survival-of-the-fittest, So When You Encounter Kindness Or People Going Out Of Their Way In An Empathetic Way, It's Almost Startling.

Pie Can't Compete With Cake. Put Candles In A Cake, It's A Birthday Cake. Put Candles In A Pie, Someone's Drunk In The Kitchen.