I Like Doing Energetic Things.

I'm Going To North Pole To Help Out Santa This Year.

Hillary Clinton Wrote An Op-ed For A Paper In Iowa About Her Plans To Help The Middle Class. Middle-class Americans Said, 'why Didn't You Just Say That In A Speech?' And She Said, 'because I Charge $200,000 For A Speech.'

Trump Is Running For President And He's Wasting No Time Getting Down To Business. In Fact, Just After His Announcement He Demanded To See Jeb Bush's Birth Certificate.

Newt Gingrich Plans To Announce His Campaign For President This Wednesday. I Don’t Know About His Chances. I Mean, I’m Not Saying Gingrich Peaked In The ‘90s, But His Campaign Is Being Sponsored By Tamagotchis And Crystal Pepsi.

The Department Of Agriculture Announced That It Will Ban Six New Strains Of E. Coli. Which Explains Why The Hot Dog Vendor Outside My Building Is Now Just Selling Napkins.