I Know. I Seriously Need To Just

And The Truth Is, I’d Felt Kind Of A Thrill About Wearing Jason’s Big Boy Pants. I Was A Sick Kid, Even Way Back Then.

They've Arrested Sebastian! For M-murder! You've G-got To Stop Them! He D-didn't Do It! He Can't Have Done It! He Doesn't Believe In Murder! He's A V-vegetarian!

I Swear, Sometimes I Am Convinced My Life Is Just A Series Of Sketches For America's Funniest Home Videos, Minus All That Pants-dropping Business. Except My Life Really Isn't All That Funny If You Think About It.

There Are Nice, Funny, Totally Good-looking Guys Out There. You Just Have To Know Where To Look…and Apparently, Where Not To Look.

Diet Coke Does Not Contain Nasty Chemicals. It Contains Lovely And Delicious Carbonation, Caffeine, And Aspartame. What's Unnatural About That?