I Knew Most Of My Radio Listeners

I've Become Less Angry And A Little More Humble By Age And By Experience And By Going Through The Ups And Downs Of Life.

They Are Not Testing Comics For Drugs. If Our Job Is Dependent On That, There Would Be Three Working Comics In The Country, And Two Of Them Would Have Puppets.

I’m Glad To Be Part Of The War On Sadness. I’m A Part Time Employee Of The Illusion That Keeps People Stupid.

There Was A Period When I Was Getting A Lot Of Banana Bread, Because I Mentioned Someone Cooked Me Banana Bread, And Then Everyone Cooked Me Baked Stuff, And I Would Take It To The Hotel, And It Was Making Me Fat.

A Lot Of People Think That Jesus Is Coming Back. That's Fine, It's Your Right. But You Know, I Live In New York, And I Think He's Running A Little Late. I'm Asking Myself, 'alright, What Happens If Jesus Comes Back Tomorrow? What - Does He Make Rounds To Churches?' 'ok, Everyone Who's Been Good, Buses Leave In 10 Minutes. I'll Meet You In Front Of The Post Office. I Gotta Go. Oh, Don't Tell The Jews I'm Back.'