I Knew Most Of My Radio Listeners

I Didn't Really Want To Kill Myself, It Just Made Me Feel Better To Know I Could If I Wanted To.

For 15 Years Of My Life I Smoked, I Drank, I Used To Do Drugs... But During That Time, I Never Once Thought I Was Going To Die. But The Second I Set Foot On A Stairmaster -the Second- I Am Sure My Heart Is Gonna Explode And Blood Is Gonna Spray Out Of My Nose.

I Think The Reason Jesus Is So Popular, Just On A Celebrity Level, Is That He Died At The Peak Of His Career.

Your Insecurity And Neediness Is What Makes You A Big Neurotic Ball Of Comedy Genius.

In Most Cases The Only Difference Between Depression And Disappointment Is Your Level Of Commitment.