I Have Talents Aplenty. Unfortunately, Precious Few

I Vote Democrat Because I'm Way Too Irresponsible To Own A Gun, And I Know That My Local Police Are All I Need To Protect Me From Murderers And Thieves. I Am Also Thankful That We Have A 911 Service That Gets Police To Your Home In Order To Identify Your Body After A Home Invasion.

Number One Way Life Would Be Different If Dogs Ran The World: All Motorists Must Drive With Head Out Window.

The Cia Special Unit That Was Searching For Osama Bin Laden Has Been Disbanded. So I Guess, Mission Accomplished.

Every Year When It's Chinese New Year Here In New York, There Are Fireworks Going Off At All Hours. New York Mothers Calm Their Frightened Children By Telling Them It's Just Gunfire.

Over The Weekend, John Kerry - The Big John Kerry Juggernaut Moves On - He Won Primaries In Washington D.c., Nevada And, I Think, Canada. And He's So Confident That He's Started Nailing That Intern Again.