I Have No Religion, But I Can't

Don't Tell Girls They Can Be Anything They Want When They Grow Up. Because It Would Have Never Occurred To Them That They Couldn't. It's Like Saying, 'hey, When You Get In The Shower, I'm Not Gonna Read Your Diary.' 'wait--are You Gonna Read My Diary?' 'no! I Said I'm Not Gonna Read Your Diary. Go Take A Shower!'

Comics Who Grew Up Surviving Their Childhood By Being Able To Be The First One To Make The Joke About Their Weight Or Their Hairy Arms - Like Me - Whatever They're Insecure About, Whatever They're Apologizing For, That Becomes Their Strength.

I'm Personally Not Into A Guy Who Wears Pedal Pushers And A Necklace.

I Learned That People In Wheelchairs Are Allowed To Have Marathons … Which, To Me, Seems Like Cheating, But What Are You Gonna Say?

I Will Always Try To Be Happy. I Don’t Think People Really Understand The Value Of Happiness Until They Know What It’s Like To Be In That Very, Very Dark Place. It’s Not Romantic. Not Even A Little.