I Have Friends Who Vote Tory, And

My Mum Taught Me To Knit When I Was A Child, And I Turn To It, For Some Weird Reason, When I'm Feeling Depressed.

I Think My Comedy, The Put-downs I Do To Hecklers, Are The Accumulated Bitterness Of Years Of People Feeling That It's Perfectly Acceptable To Make A Comment On Your Appearance When They Don't Even Know You.

British Ferries Have Stopped Transporting Live Animals To The Continent. This Has Made It Very Difficult For England Fans To Get To Away Matches.

I Thought I Was Funny As A Kid. I Used To Play Tricks On My Brothers - I'd Tie A Two-shilling Piece To A Bit Of Cotton, Then Pull It Away As They Went To Grab It.

When I Got Married, The Sun Ran The Headline: "here Comes The Bride, All Fat And Wide." Luckily, It Was A Few Days After The Wedding - But It Was Still Hideous To Read At A Great Romantic Moment.