I Hate To Say It, But I

I Like Valentine's Day. The Trouble Is The Florists And The Candy-makers And The Card People Are All Advertising So Much, You Don't Dare Let The Day Go By Without Making An Offering, Whether You Mean It Or Not. Money Exceeds Affection.

Let's Face It, Though, Anything That's Apt To Happen To An Appliance Like A Blender Isn't Covered By The Warranty Anyway, So I Never Send Them In. If It Breaks, I'll Buy A New One. That's The American Way.

In A Conversation, Keep In Mind That You're More Interested In What You Have To Say Than Anyone Else Is.

The Closing Of A Door Can Bring Blessed Privacy And Comfort - The Opening, Terror. Conversely, The Closing Of A Door Can Be A Sad And Final Thing - The Opening A Wonderfully Joyous Moment.

The Only Thing That Really Bugs Me About Television's Coverage Is Those Damn Women They Have Down On The Sidelines Who Don't Know What The Hell They're Talking About. I Mean, I'm Not A Sexist Person, But A Woman Has No Business Being Down There Trying To Make Some Comment About A Football Game.