I Hate It When My Hair Is

When We Live Up To Our Constitution, Let's Form A Conga Line Around The Capitol And Bungee Jump Off The Dome.

I Don’t Believe For A Second That Weightlifting Is A Sport. They Pick Up A Heavy Thing And Put It Down Again. To Me, That’s Indecision.

The Mistakes That I Made I Made Because I Drank Too Much. I Don't Think That's Going To Happen Any More. Am I Going To Make Mistakes As A Parent? Sadly, Every Day. I'm Looking Around For The Perfect Parent And I Haven't Seen One Yet.

It Is My Wish To Die Of Unique Causes, Perhaps In A High-speed Tricycle Crash, A Bizarre Stapling Incient, Or As A Result Of Inadvertently Sucking My Brains Out Through My Ear While Trying To Untwist The Vacuum Hose.

I Don't Have A Bank Account Because I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name.