I Hate It When My Hair Is

I'm Thankful That My Memory Is Good Because My Vision Is Going.

I'll Probably Never Have Children Because I Don't Believe In Touching People For Any Reason.

I Don't Have A Bank Account Because I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name.

My Problem, I Try To Teach My Kids To Eat Healthy Food. But You Get A Cantaloupe, And You Don't Know When It's Going To Come Of Age. You Have No Idea - That Period Between When It's Like, Hard As A Rock To When It's Smushy Inside, Is About Ten Minutes.

I'm Thankful For Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential Bid, Which Taught Us That Alaska Is Not In A Box Off The Coast Of California.