I Grew Up 45 Minutes Outside Of

Once You Put Bacon Into A Salad It's No Longer A Salad, It Just Becomes A Game Of Find The Bacon In The Lettuce. It's Like You're Panning For Gold, Hmmmmm, Eureka!

For Me, Stand-up Comedy Is A Conversation Between Me And The Audience. I Have To Keep Them Listening. When I'm Making Jokes About Cake For Twenty Minutes, I Have To Make Sure My Audience Is Interested And Following Where I'm Going.

All I Want To Do Is Be A Good Dad, But I'm Pretty Bad At It.

I Think Stand-up Comedy Is This - It's This Kind Of Indulgence And Narcissism.

Hey, People Who Travel With Their Bed Pillow. You Look Insane.