I Grew Up In Northern New Jersey

It Was One Of Those Days When Every Time I Went To Go Out The Door, Something Grabbed Me In The Back Of The Brain And Said, Lie Down And Masturbate One More Time.

My Sophomore English Teacher Encouraged Me To Write For The School Paper, And That's What Got Me Started. Suddenly It Struck Me That Being A Writer Could Be A Romantic And Adventurous Position. Previously, I Had Thought I Would Be A Tennis Pro, Giving Lessons At A Local Club. I Thought That Would Be A Good Life, And It Might Have Been.

I Am Always The Source Of The Worst Rumors About Myself.

Personally, I've Never Had It As A Goal In Life To Be Happy. Seems Impossible To Achieve. Even The Declaration Of Independence Seems To Acknowledge This. They Talk About The Pursuit Of Happiness, Not Happiness Itself.

Whenever I Wrote Fiction, People Always Seemed To Think That What I Wrote Was True, That It Was Entirely Autobiographical. And When I Would Write Non-fiction, They Often Accused Me Of Exaggeration And Fictionalization.