I Got My Lips Chewed Off By

There's A Rumor That President George Bush Had A Nose Job, That He Had Some Kind Of Plastic Surgery, That He Actually Had A Nose Job. If This Is True, That's The First New Job He's Created Since Taking Office.

Mitt Romney, Two-time Republican Presidential Candidate, Is Going To Fight Evander Holyfield For Charity. I Hope They Save Some Of That Money For Funeral Expenses.

The Campaign For The White House Is Heating Up With John Kerry Taking Heat For Throwing His Vietnam Medals Away, Getting A $1000 Haircut, And Wearing A 1970s Wig Known As 'the Leno.' There Are Really Two Sides To This Story. And America Can't Wait For Kerry To Present Both Of Them.

Now There Are Reports That Osama Bin Laden Would Like To Commit Suicide On Television. This Is The Kind Of Lead-in I Have Been Praying For Every Since I Came To Cbs. Bin Laden Is Planning A Televised Suicide Or, As I Call It, Hosting The Academy Awards.

Those North Korean Hackers Are At It Again. Earlier Today They Leaked Santa's Naughty List.