I Got Into Stand Up Just To

For Example, I Was A White House Intern The Summer Before I Dropped Out Of Law School. Everybody Knew About It. I'd Come Home And Go To Church And Everybody Would Say, Oh, My God. Demetri, You're Working At The White House.

One Thing You Never Hear Is "man That Guy Is Good At Badminton".

I Think Since I Was Kid People Told Me That They Thought I Was Funny.

How To Be A Bouncer: Be An Asshole; Stand Near A Door.

If You Want To Dry Hump Someone You Don't Know, Just Act Like They Were Choking.