I Got Binoculars 'cause I Don't Want

I Was On A Bus Once, It Was In The Middle Of The Night, And I Had A Box Of Crackers And A Can Of Easy Cheese. It Was Dark, And It Was A Surprise How Much Cheese I Had Applied On Each Cracker. That's Why They Should Have A Glow-in-the-dark Version Of Easy Cheese. It's Not Like The Product Has Any Integrity To Begin With. If You Buy A Room-temperature Cheese That You Squeeze Out Of A Can, You Probably Won't Get Mad Because It Glows In The Dark Too.

Every Time I Go And Shave, I Assume There's Someone Else On The Planet Shaving. So I Say, 'i'm Gonna Go Shave, Too.'

I Think Animal Crackers Make People Think That All Animals Taste The Same.

I've Never Been To A Hotel With A Rotating Restaurant On Top, But One Time I Took My Girlfriend To A Merry-go-round, And I Gave Her A Burrito.

When You're Doing A Show On Stage, And They Show You A Red Light, That Means You Have 5 Minutes Left. At Some Clubs, They Hold A Candle Up In The Back. That's The Worst Method. You're Up Here, And Then You See A Floating Candle. "oh, No! This Place Is Haunted!" I Can't Be Funny When I'm Frightened.