I Feel The One Sensible Thing You

I Know You've Been Married To The Same Woman For 69 Years. That Is Marvelous. It Must Be Very Inexpensive.

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

Happiness Is.....finding Two Olives In Your Martini When Youre Hungry.

Money Gives Me Just One Big Thing That's Really Important, And That's The Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Money.

There's A Big Difference Between Being A Loner And Being Lonely. I'm Far From Lonely. My Day Is Full Of Things I Enjoy, Starting With My Show. Any Time My Work Is Going Well And I Have A Relationship With A Woman That's Pretty Solid, That Does It For Me.