I Enjoyed Retirement The Right Way Linguine

This Is So Weird. I Saw The New John Kerry Campaign Commercial And He Says, 'i'm John Kerry And I Approve Of This Message - If I Have One.'

Tom Ridge Now Says We Don't Have To Run Out And Put Plastic Sheets All Over The House. Great, Tell That To My Dead Parakeet.

I Always Tell People I Romanticize About Doing Something Simple, Like Doing Radio In Northern California.

As The Democrats Get Revved Up At Their Convention In Boston, President Bush Is Fighting Back The Only Way He Knows How: By Going On Vacation! Ah, It's Nice To Take A Rest, Replenish Your Supply Of Smirks. The Vacation Was Expected, Because Bush Traditionally Takes A Month Off Every Summer To Relax And Avoid Reading National Security Warnings.

In Louisiana, President Bush Met With Over 15,000 National Guard Troops. Here's The Weird Part, Nobody Remembers Seeing Him There.