I Don't Want To Wake Up With

I'm Inspired By Making People Laugh At Subjects That Should Make Them Cry.

My Girlfriend Makes Me Want To Be A Better Person... So I Can Get A Better Girlfriend.

My Neighbor Complains Every Time My Girlfriend And I Have Sex. We're Not Even That Loud. But He Used To Date My Girlfriend.

I Don't Want To Wake Up With Cops Surrounding My Bed Tonight.

Every Year I Volunteer At A Hospital On Thanksgiving, Deep-frying Turkeys In The Children's Burn Unit. I Do It Just To See The Looks On Their Little "faces."