I Don't Want My Kid To Hear

The Canteen Boy, The Reason You Feel Bad For Him And You Can Laugh Is Because He, And I Guess A Lot Of My Characters, They Don't Notice They're Getting Made Fun Of. So They'll Say Something Back That's Not That Great A Quip, But In Their Mind They Won The Argument.

I Was A Coin Collector.i Didn't Know I Was Nerdy At The Time Until I Felt My 16-d Mercury Dime That Was In Uncirculated Condition Might Be A Panty Dropper, And It Turned Out Not To Be. Then I Stumbled Into Skateboarding, Which Kind Of Was Cooler. But I Wasn't Aware Of What Was Cool. My Dad Wasn't Around So He Couldn't Shake Me And Say, 'drop The Coin Collecting Bit. It's Not Where You Want To Go.' So, That And The Spelling Bee And The Chess, I Think I Had It Figured Out For Myself.

I Don't Know Who I Touch And Who I Don't. I Work Hard Trying To Make People Laugh. I Try To Do The Kind Of Stuff That Made Me Laugh Growing Up. I Don't Have Any Secrets. I Don't Know The Reasons I've Been So Well Received.

On This Lovely, Lovely Hanukkah, Drink Your Gin And Tonica.

Wasted Is When You Have A Hankering For Ice Cream.