I Don't Understand How You Can Be

Kids Across The Country Have Grown Up Accepting The Idea That No One Can Harm Your Family If At Least One Of Its Adult Members Is In The Shower. No One Knows Why.

I Think It's Hard To Have A Full-time Job And Write Fiction, But For Essays, You Need To Be In The World.

Picture It In Your Mind's Nostril: You Get In A Cab In Time To Catch Twin Thugs Named Vomit And Cologne Assaulting A Defenseless Pine-tree Air Freshener.

I Do Want To Get Married. It's A Nice Idea. Though I Think Husbands Are Like Tattoos--you Should Wait Until You Come Across Something You Want On Your Body For The Rest Of Your Life Instead Of Just Wandering Into A Tattoo Parlor On Some Idle Sunday And Saying, 'i Feel Like I Should Have One Of These Suckers By Now. I'll Take A Thorny Rose And A "mom" Anchor, Please. No, Not That One--the Big One.

For A Long Time I Wanted To Draw, But I Could Never Get The Proportions Right. My Still Life Sketches Were The Artistic Equivalent Of Someone Who Has Misjudged The Space Constraints Of A Postcard, The Handwriting Shrinking Uncomfortably At The Bottom.