I Don't Think Men Talk As Much

When You Wake Up One Day And Say, "you Know What? I Don't Think I Ever Need To Sleep Or Have Sex Again." Congratulations, You're Ready (to Have Children).

Parents, Just Keep In Mind That Kids Will Always Round Off To The Nearest Obscenity.

Sex After One Child Shows Down. After Twins... Ooh... I'll Tell You What It Is For Us. I'll Share It With You. Every Three Months. We Don't Plan It That Way. That's Just How It Works Out. It's The Weirdest Thing. You Know What I Do? Every Time I Have Sex, The Next Day I Pay My Estimated Tax. My Quarterlies Are Due. If It's Oral Sex, I Renew My Driver's License.

Whenever I Get Down About Life Going By Too Quickly, What Helps Me Is A Little Mantra That I Repeat To Myself: At Least I'm Not A Fruit Fly.

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.