I Don't Know Why People Were So

One Time I Considered Making A Video Game About My Life Where People Control A Character Called 'zach Braff' And Run Around Being Awesome. Then I Realized That Getting To Pretend To Be Me Would Be Like Shooting Up Heroin For Anyone Who Played It, And I Don't Want That On My Conscience.

If You're Dumb Enough To Volunteer For The Army, I Don't See Why We're Supposed To Feel So Bad When You Get Shot. I'm Not Saying We Should Throw A Party Or Anything, But Is It Such A Tragedy? If I'd Gotten Shot Before I Made 'garden State', Yeah, That's A Tragedy, But Some Red-state Hick Getting His Legs Blown Off? Come On.

My Co-stars Aren't Bad Actors, But They're No Zach Braff.

One Time A Reporter Asked Me What My Worst Quality Was. I Looked Him In The Eyes Then Punched Him In The Face. I Kind Of Felt Bad About It Later, But He Didn't Need To Be Rude.

Without Me, Scrubs Would Be Worse Than The Holocaust. But With Me In It, It's Turned Into The Lolocaust.