I Don't Know Enough To Be Incompetent.

The Last Time I Was Inside A Woman Was When I Went To The Statue Of Liberty.

People Ask Me Whether I Think That One Day I Might Wake Up One Morning And Run Dry, But I've Had The Opposite Feeling - That I Would Die Before I Had Time To Write All The Ideas In My Drawer.

I’m Going To Kill Myself. I Should Go To Paris And Jump Off The Eiffel Tower. I’ll Be Dead. You Know, In Fact, If I Get The Concorde, I Could Be Dead Three Hours Earlier, Which Would Be Perfect. Or Wait A Minute. It -- With The Time Change, I Could Be Alive For Six Hours In New York But Dead Three Hours In Paris. I Could Get Things Done, And I Could Also Be Dead.

Dying Is Like Making Love, Except You Don't Get Naseous Afterwards.

Life Is A Tragedy Filled With Suffering And Despair And Yet Some People Do Manage To Avoid Jury Duty.