I Don't Have A Stack Of Scripts...

Marriage And Fatherhood Heighten The Disillusion That We All Think We Are Born Handy. We Confidently Believe That We Can Fix Things Around The House, As If It's Part Of The Collective Brain That Was Further Enhanced By Eighth-grade Shop Class.

Doormen Are Kind Of Invisible, People Don't Know Their Names. They Just Say, Thank You, Or Good Morning. I'd Never Thought About Doormen Before. They're A Vanishing Breed. More Electronic Doors Are Being Introduced.

I Really Don't Know What Makes A Comedian. I Think It's A Family Background And Environment. Yet If You Put The Same Ingredients In Another Person, He May Never Utter A Funny Line.

I Kind Of Do It In My Head, Then I'll Try Pieces Of It On Stage And If It Looks Promising, I'll Put It Together.

I'm One Of Those Passengers Who Arrives At The Airport Five Or Six Hours Early So I Can Throw Back A Few Drinks And Muster Up The Courage To Board The Plane. Apparently I'm Not Alone Because I've Never Been In An Empty Airport Bar. I Don't Care What Time You Get There. Even At 8:00 A.m. You Have To Fight Your Way To The Bar. At That Hour, Everyone Drinks Bloody Marys So No One Can Tell It's Booze- At Least Until They Fall Off Their Chair.