I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I

I Don't Worry About Getting Old. I'm Old Already. Only Young People Worry About Getting Old. When I Was 65, I Had Cupid's Eczema. I Don't Believe In Dying. It's Been Done. I'm Working On A New Exit. Besides, I Can't Die Now - I'm Booked.

Fall In Love With What You're Going To Do For A Living. To Be Able To Get Out Of Bed And Do What You Love To Do For The Rest Of The Day Is Beyond Words. I'd Rather Be A Failure In Something I Love Than Be Successful In Something I Hate.

I Would Read Playboy More Often, But My Glasses Keep Steaming Up.

With The Collapse Of Vaudeville New Talent Has No Place To Stink.

In Those Days The Best Painkiller Was Ice; It Wasn't Addictive And It Was Particularly Effective If You Poured Some Whiskey Over It.