I Didn't Invent The Rainy Day. I

At A Recent Education Summit, President Obama Admitted That He Can't Rap. When They Heard, Americans Said, 'good!'

I Saw That Donald Trump Is Selling His Penthouse Suite At The Trump Park Avenue Building Here In New York City For $21 Million. When Asked Why He's Selling It Now, Trump Said 'hey, Americans Seem To Be Buying Everything Else I'm Selling, So Why Not Strike While The Iron's Hot.'

A New Study Found That Women Think Men Holding A Guitar Are More Attractive, Even If They Are Not Playing It. In A Related Story, Guys With An Accordion Will Die Alone.

Republicans In Congress Are Getting Concerned That President Obama Will Try To Use The Final Year Of His Term To Push Through Too Many Controversial Laws. Obama Would've Responded But He Was Busy Drafting His New 'mandatory Mexican Gay Weed' Bill.

During A Recent Interview, President Obama Revealed That His Favorite Movie This Year Was 'boyhood.' It Makes Sense. If There's One Thing Obama Can Identify With, It's Aging Several Years Over The Course Of A Couple Of Hours.