I Didn't Invent The Rainy Day. I

If People Want To See You, They'll Find You. If They Don't See You On Tv, They'll Find You On The Internet.

There Are Reports That French President Francois Hollande Had An Affair With An Actress Who Is 18 Years Younger Than Him. It's Pretty Serious. Under French Law, He Could Face Up To 30 High Fives.

Sources Say The Obama Administration Is In The 'final Stages' Of Planning The Closing Of Guantanamo Bay. The Way It's Gonna Work Is, They're Going To Put A Radio Shack Sign Out Front And Let Nature Take Its Course.

During A Recent Press Conference, Former President Jimmy Carter Said He Could Never Run For President Today Because He Doesn't Have A Lot Of Money. Well, That And The Fact That He's The Famously Bad President Jimmy Carter.

I Just Feel Like People Like A Little Break. Especially At 12:37 At Night, You Go, Like, 'i'm Just Tired Of The Snarky Right Now. I Just Want To Lie Down And Have Somebody Make Me Laugh For An Hour. Entertain Me, And Then I'm Going To Sleep With A Smile On My Face.' That's My Job; That's What I Do.