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According To A New Survey, Almost Half Of The Voters In Ohio, Florida, And Pennsylvania Say That They Do Not Trust Hillary Clinton. Republicans Immediately Got Together And Said, 'ok, This Is A Huge Opportunity For Us. How Are We Going To Screw It Up?'

Some Areas Near Dallas Experienced A 3.5-magnitude Earthquake, Which Some Blame On Fracking. However, Scientists Say That It Was More Likely Aftershocks From Chris Christie Celebrating At The Cowboys Game.

A New Study Found That A Mother's Diet Affects Her Baby's Allergies. Which Can Only Mean One Thing: My Mom Ate Cats.

Disney World Is Celebrating Its 40th Birthday! You Can Tell The Characters Are Getting Old. In Addition To Snow White's Seven Dwarfs, She Now Has 25 Cats.

Republicans Also Took Control Of The Senate After Gaining Another Seven Seats. I Haven't Seen The Gop Get This Many Seats Since Chris Christie Made An Airline Reservation.