I Can't Take A Well-tanned Person Seriously.

For An Animal Person, An Animal-less Home Is No Home At All.

It Suddenly Dawned On Me One Day, When I Was Reading In The Paper About A Woman Wrestler, That Being A Curmudgeon Was The Last Thing In The World That A Man Can Be That A Woman Cannot Be. Women Can Be Irritating -- After All, They Are Women -- But They Cannot Be Curmudgeons.

Support Your Right To Arm Bears.

People Ask Me What Makes A Good Funeral, And I Tell Them The Most Important Thing Is Your Man In The Casket. If You Have A Man Of Substance In There, You Have The Makings Of A First-class Funeral.

I Will Omit But I Will Not Distort.